The Post Hex Blues
by Maskgirl
Summary: Bob never leaves his apartment and everybody gets the post hex blues


The Post Hex Blues  
Bob has a busy second but never leaves his apartment  
Rated PG for sexual references   
  
Bob was sleeping in his energy bed when he heard the knock. Thinking it was Dot he   
opened the door. It wasn't, there before him was a black ball surrounded by five smaller   
fluffy pink balls.  
"Skuzzy," he said. "You can't stay here Dot is coming and we'd like to be alone."  
The catsprite showed him a picture of her former mistress sacrificing her life just after   
declaring her love for him.  
Bob sighed, "Okay, okay you can come in."  
A few micros later he heard another knock at the door. He opened it again.  
Behind the door was a hulking green sprite holding a casserole dish and his scantily clad  
girlfriend.   
"We came to check in on you," said AndraIa sunnily.  
"Ohh what's in the casserole dish? I bet its good, "said Bob.  
"Caviar, I made it myself!"  
"Er Alphanumeric, I'll have Skuzzy put it in the fridge"  
Bob motioned for Skuzzy to take it away. A few nanos later the toilet flushed.  
This time Matrix spoke " What are they doing here?"  
"Their mistress is dead, they had nowhere to go so I let them in," said Bob.  
"They're virals and most likely random after all look who their mistress was!" replied   
Matrix.  
"For the User's sake Hexadecimal saved the entire net. Taking care of her cats is the   
least I can do!"  
By this time the kittens had discovered AndraIa and were playing with her on the couch.  
"Oooh aren't this things precious. What are their names?" asked the green haired woman.  
"The big one's Rose. The one sitting on your lap is Peachy. That one over there is Coral.   
The one on the bookshelves is Cotton Candy and the one shredding my curtains is Hot! Getaway   
shoo!"  
Matrix snorted in contempt "Bob you should know by now that you can't trust viruses"  
Bob turned to Skuzzy "Take your kittens and bring me my email, now!" When the cats were   
gone Bob turned to Matrix "They are just cats, normal uninfected cats who need a place to stay!"  
Matrix stared at Bob. Bob stared back. The staring match was interrupted when Skuzzy  
bumped into Matrix. In her mouth was a bundle of mail, which she dropped in front of Bob's   
feet and turned to get some more.  
"I haven't checked my email in seconds," admitted Bob shamefacedly.  
Matrix wasn't listening. He bent down tried to pick up a piece of email. Skuzzy hissed at  
him.  
"Leave it be lover!" scolded his girlfriend. "You should know better than to read other   
people's email."  
"You're so proud of your new pet and her tricks Bob. Well my dog Frisket has deleted people."  
"Er, Matrix, that isn't something to be proud about," said Bob sadly.  
Suddenly a vid window opened. A panicky binome soldier was on the other end." Bob you   
gotta help us. There's a tear storm coming from Lost Angles. The tears are coming this way we   
need you to get rid of them."  
Bob rebooted into his armor," No problem I'll just-"  
AndraIa held him back, "Hold on you're not going anywhere. The only reason why you're   
here and not the infirmary is because you promised Phong you'd stay inside for the next few   
seconds."  
Matrix cocked his gun, "We'll take care of the tears."  
"Er Matrix, shooting tears is not a good idea I should really come with you guys."  
No, you stay here," said AndraIa firmly. "We'll get the other Bob to deal with this. Get  
some sleep."  
Bob tried to couldn't. The door knocked again. Behind it this time was a small blonde  
female binome with a casserole dish.  
" Oh Hi Clarece," said Bob.  
After that sleep was impossible. Every few micros the door would knock again. It seemed   
half of Mainframe came to see him except for Dot. By the time suppertime came his fridge was  
groaning. Bob could have sworn he had enough food to host a banquet. He took one of the more   
edible meals out(this explains why Dot's Diner was so popular) and ate it as he read his mail.  
"Let's see bills, bills and an invitation for pet wedding - again. Skuzzy what is   
it with you Mainframers?" he paused as he came across Hex's email. Slowly he opened it and all   
things became clear.  
  
Dearest Bob  
You and I both know that you are not long for the net and so before it is too  
late I will say this. I love you Bob. I always have but I never had the courage to   
tell you. It would mean so much to me if I could have your child, someone to love  
after you are gone either by Daemon's hand or by your illness.  
If you agree to this please meet me by floating point at midcycle next second.  
Either way I will always love you.  
Sincerely Hexadecimal.  
  
It was dated the second before she died. So that was why she couldn't keep her hands off  
him. Bob beat his head against the coffee table again and again. He only stopped when he heard   
the door knock again.  
It was Bob, the other Bob. "Hi there! The Hotel Venus is weirding me out can stay here?"  
Then he sneezed violently.  
Bob smiled.  
" Cats! I must be allergic to them. Can you get rid of them so I can crash here?" asked the  
other Bob.  
" I'm sorry but they have nowhere to go and they have been so useful" said Bob.  
The other Bob sneezed violently" This is intolerable I have nowhere to go and you've   
turned this place into a cat shelter. I'm going, we'll talk about this the next second."  
When he finally left Bob patted Skuzzy on the head. "I'm putting in a cat door."  
Just as he was about to go to sleep he heard the door knock again. He regretted ever   
opening it. The experience proved to be one of the most humiliating experiences in his life.  
Behind the door stood Mike the TV, a camera crew and a strange looking sprite female. She   
looked at him and said quietly "Footie Pajamas?"  
The annoying appliance announced to the Net, "This is Mike the TV and Coney Khung  
hosting an interview with Bob the hero of Mainframe, live for Net Wide News."  
"Live? Excuse me!" squeaked Bob. He slammed the door and rushed to the shower. He almost   
tripped over Skuzzy as she tried to wash herself as well. After a few micros the pair was   
clean.   
"Skuzzy you clean up well," said Bob to the now fluffy white cat. Bob then rebooted into his glitch armor and let the TV crew in with a wide grin on his face.  
As Mike entered he whispered to Bob, " Please make this interview go well Bob. This is my   
big break I could be moving into the SuperComputer."  
Bob smiled at the prospect of this and he assured Mike quite sincerely that he would do   
his best. After all anywhere other than here was the perfect place for that TV.  
Coney was golden skinned like Phong but there the resemblance ended. She was small and   
delicate and would've been quite attractive if it weren't for the large purple beehive hairdo.   
Her business suit was the same color as her hair.  
"Guardian 452? Might I say that your fluffy little cats are adorable."  
"They're not my cats I'm taking care of them for a friend. She died in the Daemon Wars."  
"Oh!"  
"She wasn't that sort of friend!"  
"Oh really?"  
"Yes really! It was a childish crush on her part. I never reciprocated."  
"Do you wish you had?"  
"No! Look it wasn't possible. She was lonely and I didn't want to exploit her."  
"How did she die?"  
"She fought Daemon hand to hand and when Daemon self destructed she carried the counter   
virus throughout the Net."  
"Sounds like she thought it wasn't a childish crush. Can we see some pictures of her?"  
Mike flashed a picture of Hex and Daemon viciously fighting as he tried to shoo a kitten   
off his head who played with his antenna.  
Khung said with admiration "What a brave little girl fighting that hideous red viral  
devil. What a wonderful purple heart she has."  
"Miss Khung," said Bob hesitantly. "The hideous devil is Hexadecimal. Mike show Miss Khung   
footage of Hex sacrificing her life."  
That was a mistake. Mike showed the scene where Hex declared her love for Bob and then   
jumped screaming into the portal. This time there was sound. And the kitten still wouldn't   
leave.  
"Well not a girl I would show to mother but truly devoted to you I can see."  
Meanwhile at the SuperComputer Turbo the Prime Guardian watched Bob squirm. His face   
flushed a darker shade of green.  
"Get me Kardon and Agent Black. They are to go to Lost Angles to perform a search for   
viral eggs."  
Miss Khung crossed her legs," So tell me about this system. I have never been in a system   
as damaged as this one. This Lost Angles was it destroyed in the Daemon Wars?"  
"No, it was destroyed before I got here in an explosion that nullified most of the sprites  
of this system."  
" So how do you control the tear storms or the swarms of nulls."  
" Well were are alot of tears but never any storms and the nulls they kept to themselves.   
Hex controlled them she lived in Lost Angles with them."  
"Oh"  
Outside Bob's window Matrix and the other Bob rounded up tears with anything they could   
find. They looked quite ridiculous. Khung noticed this.  
"Who's that? Another Guardian?" she asked.  
"That's another version of me. He appeared after the Daemon Wars."  
"So he's a copy of you."  
"We're not sure who's the copy."  
" You were mentioning that Little Enzo is a copy of Matrix. Are backup copies a common   
practice in Mainframe."  
"He was an accident, not that we aren't glad he's here mind you!"  
Khung was about to ask Bob another question when Matrix outside pointed his gun and shot  
a tear. It seemed he hadn't taken Bob's advice seriously or was too fond of his gun. Either   
way the explosion that resulted from this threw Matrix from his bike. The hover bike careened  
into a nearby building resulting in another explosion.  
"So Bob how come you aren't mending tears?"  
"The doctor ordered me to get some bed rest. I was injured in the Daemon Wars."  
"How did that happen?"  
"When I merged with Glitch he was damaged, so everytime I used my powers it hurt me. When  
Daemon infected this system she forced me to make port-"  
Matrix burst in through the door. Ignoring the camera crew he picked up one of the kittens.  
"Bob! I totaled Dre's favorite bike I need this kitten to make it up to her."  
Khung turned to Matrix "So you must be the Great Renegade Matrix. Tell me more about the   
great hero of the war Hexadecimal."  
Matrix scowled "That virus was no hero! She just took an opportunity to infect the entire  
net."  
Khung turned on Bob "You gave the cure to a virus?! What sort of deal did you make with it?"  
"Nothing!"  
At Lost Angles Kardon finally broke into Hex's home. He landed on something soft. When he   
turned on the lights he did not find any eggs but rather a pile of hungry nulls. Kardon screamed  
as the nulls swarmed him.  
"Bob there have been rumors that the Guardian Collective were not infected by Daemon at  
all. That rather they voluntarily served Daemon of there own free will."  
"That is not true in the least. The Guardian Collective is filled with the finest,   
bravest sprites ever to grace the net."  
As if on cue Kardon burst in, covered with nulls and screaming like a little girl.  
"Bob get em off me. Get em off!" screamed Kardon.  
Now more nulls swarmed in. The news crew literally climbed up Bob's walls. Bob clutched   
the sides of his head trying to shut out the sound of nulls screaming.  
"What's going on?" shouted Coney as she hung from a ceiling lamp.  
"They're hungry and looking for food. Has anybody seen Skuzzy?" said Bob hanging from the  
same lamp.  
Bob spotted the white cat bravely carrying one of her kittens to safety.  
"Skuzzy show me how Hex controlled the nulls or we're all deleted!" ordered Bob.  
At Bob's commanded she turned her headscreen to face the Guardian. It showed a picture of  
the virus converting tears into food for the waiting nulls.  
"That's it?!" said Mike incredulously." That's how Hex controlled the nulls. Just by feeding  
them?!"  
" But of course why didn't I see this before all this time Hex kept the nulls and tears in check!" cried Bon.  
Somehow Kardon found the energy to separate himself from the nulls and shouted "I'm on it.  
Bob where's your fridge?"  
The most tragic thing in Kardon's life was this was one of his finest hours. Bravely he   
trudged through the smelly multicolored mass to the refrigerator. He swung open the door, pulled  
out a casserole and threw it out the kitchen window. Several nulls followed.  
"I see you have many friends in Mainframe - I think!" observed Coney dryly.  
Kardon kept on throwing out one badly cooked dish after another. The nulls left the   
apartment in a steady stream.  
"Kardon, make sure you throw out the undercooked dishes first!" asked Bob.  
Finally all the nulls were gone. Screams could be heard outside as the nulls ate their meals outside.  
The ceiling lamp could no longer stand the strain. It finally crashed dropping Bob and  
Coney on the floor.  
"I think I broke my tailbone," complained Coney. " So Bob, this is a revelation a virus  
actually performing a useful and necessary function within a system. How can this be?"  
Bob ignored her as he opened a vid window, "Phong get an engineering crew down to Lost   
Angles. We need them to build a tear powered food replicator now!"  
"I have told you before and I'll tell you again this is not the SuperComputer!" said   
Phong.  
Bob had no patience with this. He said sarcastically, "Fine have all of Mainframe make  
casseroles around the clock. We'll just have to worry about the system crashing due to all the   
tear storms!"  
"Er I can't hear you. The reception's breaking up here," said Phong as he shut down the  
vid window.  
"So Bob tell me about the corruption in Mainframe?" said Coney to Bob.  
Bob hemmed and hawed as a black binome silently crept in. He put on a pair of black   
sunglasses and held out a cube. The cube flashed.  
"In the interview both Bobs were witty and charming and Hexadecimal was a Search Engine  
who was into leather." said the binome. Then he quietly left.  
When they can to Coney noticed that her tapes were ruined. She swore like a chaos virus  
until she realized they were still on the air.  
"Well that's our program for this second. We'll interview Bob and tour Mainframe again  
later, much, much later." said Coney with a big grin.  
  
Fin. 


End file.
